In her book titled The Illustrated Mum, author Jaqueline Wilson explores themes that contrast deeply with the conventional image of a family. We picture the family to be harmonious—the parents are caring, loving yet firm, while the children are carefree, joyous, and dependent on their guardians. We have a fixed timeline for maturity and a set of milestones for what is commonly known as ‘growing up’. However, the chaotic diversity of reality often breaks away from these standards. Jaqueline Wilson demonstrates one such unfamiliar break—when one of the children takes on the roles and responsibilities of the parent. The mother, Marigold, struggles with alcoholism and self-esteem issues. She’s loving, but incapable of supporting her two young daughters. The eldest of the two, Star, takes on the role of the adult at the age of twelve. She takes care of her family but with deep anger and mistrust towards her mother. The youngest, who is the narrator of the story, quite simply says, “Star was always the one who told Marigold what to do.” (1).
There is a name for this role reversal—Parentification—coined by the Hungarian-American psychiatrist Ivan Boszormenyi-Nag. The child takes on a variety of responsibilities (both emotional and functional) that are typical of the guardian, as the parent essentially becomes the dependent in the relationship. In addition, the children do not receive acknowledgment or support for taking on these responsibilities. A parentified child gets deeply impacted, both mentally and physically, in ways that inform the perception of themselves and their relationships . It is most commonly found within dysfunctional family systems-single parent families, immigrant/migrant families, toxic relationships between the parents or cases of addiction. The child may also be used to fulfill the void of a loved one, perhaps replacing the parent’s own parent (2).
It is important to distinguish the role of a parentified child from that of a responsible child who is ‘helping out’. Parentification has two classifications— (1) instrumental or emotional, and (2) parent or sibling oriented. These are theoretical classifications, and in actuality, they often coexist in a single case. Instrumental parentification includes ‘logistical’ responsibilities like ensuring there is food on the table, taking care of grocery shopping, keeping up with the bills, making sure that all schedules are followed etc. Emotional Parentification is focused on fulfilling emotional needs of the parent and providing support, by way of being a confidante and advice. The child becomes the emotional safety net (3). The second classification is based on whether the dependent of the parentified child is a parent or a sibling (usually younger).
Having to constantly act as a mediator for the family usually leads to feelings of guilt in the child if they fail to fulfill this task. While parentification may not be consciously carried out by the parents, the child represses their own needs, desires, hopes and natural inclinations as a consequence of it. The author of Lost Childhoods: The Plight Of The Parentified Child, Gregory J. Jurkovic explains, “In the process, their children’s intrinsic loyalty, concern, and trust are exploited.” (4).
Even in seemingly functional families, such tendencies may exist because parentification exists in various degrees. It is when parentification takes over the family structure/dynamics, the pathological implications become immense. Psychological implications of an overworked child include anxiety, eating disorders, depression and compulsive stress. As the child grows up, their personality rests on being a caregiver with a sense of authority in every relationship. There is also a greater risk of addiction to alcohol or drugs (5) and of this cycle of unhealthy parentification being continued in the next generation. How a parentified child may be impacted must be understood in reference to the family system’s theory. Individual behaviour can be contextualised by looking at family dynamics and relations. Various features of the family impact the individual, such as the structure and hierarchy of roles, social norms regarding the institution of the family, boundary issues and so on (1). For instance, a parentified child, burdened by constant worrying, may be unable to develop fulfilling relationships outside the family. Such interpersonal deficits can be explained by the lack of secure attachments with the parent(s).
This phenomenon is fairly prevalent across various cultures. Examples of it can be observed in the Indian family system, rooted in various social norms. The Indian family structure is heavily influenced by gender hierarchy and the Indian collectivist orientation. The daughters of the family take on domestic duties either entirely or at least sooner than the sons of the family. The elder sibling often becomes an additional parent with implicit notion of superiority embedded in sibling relations. However, at the time of writing, little study has gone into studying parentification in India, even though the hierarchical family structure is a popular social study. Other structural influences include race and class.
Dr. Lisa M. Hooper has conducted extensive research in this domain, with around 26 publications on the subject. Her most significant work has been the development of the Parentification Inventory which serves as a psychological evaluation (6). Nonetheless, very little academic research has been undertaken. While more research is needed for early intervention, the work does not end here. Parentification also has to be denormalised and contextualised. It seems as though little has been done to explore the ways in which families can find assistance to address this issue as a collective unit, as intervention tends to focus on the individual. In my opinion, by making parentification a commonly discussed public issue, individuals might be able to seek help more freely and academic institutions can learn to recognise an overburdened child and provide assistance. Moreover, research can help develop resources and strategies to help parentified individuals develop a sense of self and let go of familial burdens.
Quite often problematic family dynamics are seen as a normal part of one’s childhood. There must be a line drawn between the tensions of familial relationships and parentification. Despite the surface capabilities of the parentified individual, children are not psychologically prepared to become a support system for the family. One may argue that a child gains more independence and maturity. However, every child deserves a space to grow up, explore and discover themselves in an environment of love and guidance.
References
Wilson, Jaqueline. (1999). The Illustrated Mum. New York. Doubleday
How Parentification Impacts Teen Mental Health. (2019, September 16). Retrieved from https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/parentification/
Engelhardt, Jennifer A. (2012). The Developmental Implications of Parentification: Effects on Childhood Attachment. Graduate Student Journal of Psychology. 14. 45-52. Retrieved from https://www.tc.columbia.edu/publications/gsjp/gsjp-volumes-archive/gsjp-volume-14-2012/25227_Engelhardt_Parentification.pdf
Jurcovik, Gregory J. (1997). Lost Childhoods: The Plight Of The Parentified Child. United Kingdom. Routledge.
Retrieved from http://parentification-researchlab.com
Bridgewater, Amelia. Parentification Can Lead to Complex Trauma. Retrieved from https://medium.com/invisible-illness/parentification-can-lead-to-complex-trauma-ba903cac1783
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